Ladies...what kind of ‘Biker’ are you?!

To all my fellow female bikers here are a few things that men wanted to tell you, but never did either cause they loved you too much, or they hated you too much or they just felt it was too damn unpolitical to say…and so I take the liberty of saying these things…cause somebody just so bloody should…

At the outset let me ask you to please pardon me (yeah I know that is tongue-in-cheek!) if this sounds too harsh, is too rude or is just too much criticism…but please do give it a think…do consider this with an open mind… oh and by the way…I don’t claim to be above all of this…I am not for a minute absolving myself of some of these things…I know and recognize that I ain’t perfect myself…but what the heck…I am willing to learn. I know after this little snarkiness I am opening myself out to criticism ‘aa bhel mujhe maar’…types…but then I also know that sometimes you’ve gotta fall real hard to learn…

Oh and some of these even male bikers are guilty of…so if you are a man and you are reading this…ain’t no need to preen…there are enough of these kinds amongst you too.

So I have been a biker for about 10 years now and in this time I have seen several kinds of female bikers/riders (pillions haven’t been taken into account for this one!). So let’s start with a few of the types…that might help you figure how to circumvent the waters and not belong to these particular “types”…cause the “types” I am talking about are ANNOYING…with a capital A.

So the first category are “pout-ur-on-camera” or the posers as I’d like to call ‘em. These are the kinds who will get a bike to just plain look good on it. This kind will not lose an opportunity to either click or be clicked. And when I say click…yup ‘em selfies they are…what were you thinking? They take on assignments and “rides” to photo studios. They will not miss an opportunity to pout, to push, to pull – push their butts, pull their stomachs…lol…did you think push and pull their bikes…uhuh…they can’t really handle that…their nails might get chipped! What do they look for in a bike…did’ya say BHP…what is that…uhuh…they look for the stickering, the styling…yup I know by now you got it…so not elucidating further on this particular one…I know  everybody has seen them. Kinda hard to miss ‘em!

The second largest category are the “I ain’t got nothin!” kinds. These “bikers” don’t own their ride.

They do however ride…sometimes a hell of a lot. Short distances…long distances and distances in-between…they ride. But these too are posers, just of a different kind. They usually ride their fathers/brothers/uncles/boyfriends/husbands/xyz’s bike. They talk to the ton…but all of it is theoretical nonsense…for when the bike starts to splutter or stop or basically complain…they have no clue what is wrong with it. This kind will own it all…they will own fancy biking jackets, biking shoes, biking this and biking that…but they don’t own the bike. So what’s the big deal you might ask? The big deal is that when you own and maintain your own baby you understand every little whisper and every little clink. You understand what is going wrong and if you have absolutely no technical bend of the mind you will atleast figure that there is something wrong! When you take the trouble of going to your friendly neighbourhood mechanic and you try and explain a ‘clink’ or a ‘drag’ or ‘squeak’ you end up in a conversation and the friendly neighborhood mechanic will explain what is wrong…so you actually get to learn a fair bit. And the next time you hear the same squeak or clink or whatever, you know if it should be taken seriously or not.

Now this kind can actually change their ways. All they need to do is maintain the bike…take it to the service center ladies. Sure it gets uncomfortable not so much cause we are uncomfortable, but because the mechanics in the store all act weird. So what if it is your husband’s/uncles/brothers/…yada…yada’s bike…you ride it…so then you gotta service it too. This way when a lil clink announces the unwinding of your machine you know and you can prevent it from becoming a catastrophic event cause a screw came undone…if you catch my drift!

The third kind…the “soliloquyist”…so these are the women who wanna be by themselves….but they insist on riding with groups. So what’s the big deal you ask…why is this annoying? I’ll tell you why. So you are riding in a group, you are sticking with a formation, the group is doing everything possible to stick together cause we ride together and we have fun together. But this variety of riders…they just want the fun part of it. For as long as they are having fun they are more than happy to tow the line, but the moment they have had their fill they either wanna take off or fall way behind with the result that the entire group starts to go on a hunting spree for them therein losing precious time, extending non-fun moments in the saddle, and generally getting everybody riled up.

Amongst all this exists the very few and very rare kinds of ‘riders’ the ones who have an intimate relationship with their bikes, understand every lil nuance, totally in love with their bikes, have the right gears and find no need to flaunt it, get their bikes serviced on time, tanked up the previous night, no jhanjhat, no complaints, put them on a saddle and they will go anywhere and their bikes too don’t give up on them cause of all the care that they get. This is my favorite kind of rider. They are highly dependable, will stand by you through thick and thin, go out on solo rides when the mood hits them but when in a group completely transform themselves to belong.  If you have had the pleasure of ever riding with such a rider you know what I mean…I have had the pleasure of riding with such riders… from both genders…but yes they are a rarity. So my sincere advice…should you ever come across such a rider do everything to keep them in your fold. These are the people you want to emulate, you want to have with you and you wanna partner with them for any and all rides (pun totally intended! ;P)

Oh and let me sit on judgment on me too what kind of “biker” am i?...”I am a little bit of everything, all rolled into one…” (browny points if you guess the song!) ….I ain’t sitting on the high horse after this little piece ;)

Catch ya on the road…(what kind of rider are you?)