To all my fellow female bikers here are a few things that
men wanted to tell you, but never did either cause they loved you too much, or
they hated you too much or they just felt it was too damn unpolitical to
say…and so I take the liberty of saying these things…cause somebody just so
bloody should…
At the outset let me ask you to please pardon me (yeah I
know that is tongue-in-cheek!) if this sounds too harsh, is too rude or is just
too much criticism…but please do give it a think…do consider this with an open
mind… oh and by the way…I don’t claim to be above all of this…I am not for a
minute absolving myself of some of these things…I know and recognize that I
ain’t perfect myself…but what the heck…I am willing to learn. I know after this
little snarkiness I am opening myself out to criticism ‘aa bhel mujhe maar’…types…but
then I also know that sometimes you’ve gotta fall real hard to learn…
Oh and some of these even male bikers are guilty of…so if
you are a man and you are reading this…ain’t no need to preen…there are enough
of these kinds amongst you too.
So I have been a biker for about 10 years now and in this
time I have seen several kinds of female bikers/riders (pillions haven’t been
taken into account for this one!). So let’s start with a few of the types…that
might help you figure how to circumvent the waters and not belong to these
particular “types”…cause the “types” I am talking about are ANNOYING…with a
capital A.
So
the first category are “pout-ur-on-camera” or the posers as I’d like to call ‘em.
These are the kinds who will get a bike to just plain look good on it. This
kind will not lose an opportunity to either click or be clicked. And when I say
click…yup ‘em selfies they are…what were you thinking? They take on assignments
and “rides” to photo studios. They will not miss an opportunity to pout, to
push, to pull – push their butts, pull their stomachs…lol…did you think push
and pull their bikes…uhuh…they can’t really handle that…their nails might get
chipped! What do they look for in a bike…did’ya say BHP…what is that…uhuh…they
look for the stickering, the styling…yup I know by now you got it…so not
elucidating further on this particular one…I know everybody has seen them. Kinda hard to miss ‘em!
The second largest category are the “I ain’t got nothin!”
kinds. These “bikers” don’t own their ride.
They do however ride…sometimes a
hell of a lot. Short distances…long distances and distances in-between…they
ride. But these too are posers, just of a different kind. They usually ride
their fathers/brothers/uncles/boyfriends/husbands/xyz’s bike. They talk to the
ton…but all of it is theoretical nonsense…for when the bike starts to splutter
or stop or basically complain…they have no clue what is wrong with it. This
kind will own it all…they will own fancy biking jackets, biking shoes, biking
this and biking that…but they don’t own the bike. So what’s the big deal you
might ask? The big deal is that when you own and maintain your own baby you
understand every little whisper and every little clink. You understand what is
going wrong and if you have absolutely no technical bend of the mind you will
atleast figure that there is something wrong! When you take the trouble of
going to your friendly neighbourhood mechanic and you try and explain a ‘clink’
or a ‘drag’ or ‘squeak’ you end up in a conversation and the friendly
neighborhood mechanic will explain what is wrong…so you actually get to learn
a fair bit. And the next time you hear the same squeak or clink or whatever,
you know if it should be taken seriously or not.
Now this kind can actually change their ways. All they need
to do is maintain the bike…take it to the service center ladies. Sure it gets
uncomfortable not so much cause we are uncomfortable, but because the mechanics
in the store all act weird. So what if it is your
husband’s/uncles/brothers/…yada…yada’s bike…you ride it…so then you gotta
service it too. This way when a lil clink announces the unwinding of your machine
you know and you can prevent it from becoming a catastrophic event cause a
screw came undone…if you catch my drift!
The third kind…the “soliloquyist”…so these are the women who wanna be by themselves….but
they insist on riding with groups. So what’s the big deal you ask…why is this
annoying? I’ll tell you why. So you are riding in a group, you are sticking
with a formation, the group is doing everything possible to stick together
cause we ride together and we have fun together. But this variety of
riders…they just want the fun part of it. For as long as they are having fun
they are more than happy to tow the line, but the moment they have had their
fill they either wanna take off or fall way behind with the result that the
entire group starts to go on a hunting spree for them therein losing precious
time, extending non-fun moments in the saddle, and generally getting everybody
riled up.
Amongst all this exists the very
few and very rare kinds of ‘riders’ the ones who have an intimate relationship
with their bikes, understand every lil nuance, totally in love with their
bikes, have the right gears and find no need to flaunt it, get their bikes
serviced on time, tanked up the previous night, no jhanjhat, no complaints, put
them on a saddle and they will go anywhere and their bikes too don’t give up on
them cause of all the care that they get. This is my favorite kind of rider. They
are highly dependable, will stand by you through thick and thin, go out on solo
rides when the mood hits them but when in a group completely transform
themselves to belong. If you have had the
pleasure of ever riding with such a rider you know what I mean…I have had the
pleasure of riding with such riders… from both genders…but yes they are a rarity.
So my sincere advice…should you ever come across such a rider do everything to
keep them in your fold. These are the people you want to emulate, you want to
have with you and you wanna partner with them for any and all rides (pun
totally intended! ;P)
Oh and let me sit on judgment on me too what kind of “biker”
am i?...”I am a little bit of everything, all rolled into one…” (browny points
if you guess the song!) ….I ain’t sitting on the high horse after this little
piece ;)
Catch ya on the road…(what kind of rider are you?)
